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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest helping her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an audience. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the details, posting them with an audience that values the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, giving her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the work we create together can achieve: an opening. I understand not all people enjoys being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal videographer, but friends help each other in small ways. My assumption was filming a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She must to honor her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some authentic memories, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their bond?